Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize