when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
