I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize