It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
