I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
