I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When are your genitals available?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize