Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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