While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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