Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
