My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
