Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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