I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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