I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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