I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
