apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
