I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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