A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize