Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You ruined the universe
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
