Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
