My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
