you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think your dad took our porno
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
