ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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