How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
