He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
