dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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