i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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