It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
