Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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