TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
