I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
