I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
