I wanna passion pit in your ass
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
