bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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