Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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