seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
