I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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