I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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