8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bring money and cleavage
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
