i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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