Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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