chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
