Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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