You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
