I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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