How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
