I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
