Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
