Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
