My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
cat food counts as protein by the way
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
