I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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