Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize