I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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