Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
