Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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