In the future we'll all be gay
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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