i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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