Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
