Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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