I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
