I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
