I just cut my nipple shaving
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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