i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
