everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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