we have officially lost it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
