Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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