Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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