I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
