Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
