very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
third nipple confirmed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
